Jokes

"A HAPPY PERSON LIVE LONGER"

Fun facts:
1.It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
2.It's been proven that people can lessen reactions to allergies by laughing.
3.Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system.
4.Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day.Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day.
5.In the middle ages, people would pin the name of their sweetheart to their sleeve on Valentine's Day and keep it there for a week, hence 'wearing their heart on their sleeve'.
6.It was during the Victorian era that the formerly nude Cupid was redesigned as wearing a skirt.
7.The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!
8.February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
9.Tomato Ketchup was once used as medicine in the United States. Was sold as "Dr.Miles Compound Extract of Tomato"
10.When you blush, the lining of your stomach also turns red
11.Dating back to the 1600's, thermometers were filled with Brandy instead of mercury
12.The quartz crystal in your wristwatch vibrates 32,768 times a second
13.An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
14.Shoe sizes were standardized in Britain in 1885
15.The average person's eyes will be closed about 30 minutes a day due to blinking.
16.Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
17.Every day 200 million couples make love, 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die.
18.There are at least 40 known carcinogens in cigarettes.
19.The earliest British expeditions tackling Everest wore tweed jackets, woolen underwear, and leather boots.The amniotic fluid that surrounds a baby in the womb is completely replaced every three hours.
20.During World War II, twice as many fighter pilots were killed during training than combat
21.In 1962 an outbreak of contagious laughter in Tanganyika lasted for six months and caused schools to be closed
22.A nautical mile measures 6,080 feet while a land or statute mile is 5,280 feet
23.No one can drown in the Dead Sea. It is 25 percent salt, which makes the water very heavy
24.Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water
25.Earth's oceans contain 7 1/2 million tons of gold, dissolved in the water
26.Children who are breastfed tend to have an I.Q. seven points higher than children who are not.
27.The bird flu virus could evolve into a form that is easily spread between people, resulting in a highly contagious and lethal disease.
28.The Chinese, in olden days, used marijuana only as a remedy for dysentery.
29.If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
30.To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers
31.Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.
32.Communications giant Nokia was founded in 1865 as a wood-pulp mill by Fredrik Idestam.
33.Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
34.People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.
35.Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
36.Astronauts can't belch- there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
37.Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.
38.The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
39.The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!
40.Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
41.The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve," which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
42.There are over 25 million bubbles waiting to burst out of each bottle of Champagne
Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros
45.It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
46.The "heat" of peppers is rated on the Scoville scale
47.Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years
48.Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end
49.If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. For when a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
50.Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
51.When it originally appeared in 1886 - Coca Cola was billed as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage.
52.Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
53.Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
54.The song, "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
55.For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place.
56.Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
57.Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F
58.The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells
59.The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man
Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density
Fish and Chip selling officially remained an offensive trade until 1940 due to the smell it produces
The University of Alaska spans four time zones
The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil), and Mazaru(Speak no evil).
Warner Comm. paid $28 million for the copyright to the song 'Happy Birthday'
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
A comet's tail always points away from the sun
The "Swine flu" vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent
Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight
Trivia is the Roman goddess of sorcery, hounds and... the crossroads
In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed
Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside
Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams
It cost the soft drink industry $100 million a year for thefts committed involving vending machines
The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year
The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust
Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters
Men's shirts have the buttons on the right, but women's shirts have the buttons on the left
Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy
Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down
The painting that won second place in a competition held by the US National Academy of Design was hanging upside down when it was judged
Everything weighs one percent less at the equator
For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off
The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements
Snake venom is ninety percent protein
Mercury is the only metal that is liquid at room temperature
Pizza Hut is the world's largest pizza restaurant serving close to 1.7 million pizzas a day
Beer foam will go down by licking your finger then sticking it in the beer
Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes
A full-moon is nine times brighter than a half-moon
If all of the blood vessels in your body were placed end to end, they would stretch 12,000 miles
If you were to roll a lung from a human body and out flat it would be the size of a tennis court
Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints
Two-thirds of the people in the world have not made a phone call
Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket
The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts 3 naked men with their hands on each others shoulders
Earth is traveling through space at 660,000 miles per hour
In 1643, the British Parliament officially abolished the celebration of Christmas
Santa's Reindeers are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen
In 1875 the director of the US patent office resigned. He said that there was nothing left to invent
The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle
Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name
On average, a person has two million sweat glands
Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
97% of the earth's water is undrinkable
The Earth gets heavier each day by tons, as meteoric dust settles on it
All babies are color blind when they are born
Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old
14 million people were killed in World War I, 20 million died in flu epidemic in the years that followed
There are more than 40,000 characters in the Chinese script
Vision requires more brain power than the other four senses
On average, men are 40% muscle and 15% fat; women are 23% muscle and 25% fat
There are no public toilets in Peru
Urine and tears have the same basic ingredients
The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it's already been digested by a bee.
Every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die.
Historically, a blue ribbon has been awarded for first prize
The motto of M-G-M movie studios is Art for Art's Sake
The lion that roars in the MGM logo is named "Volney"
It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it
The Titanic was the first ship to use the SOS signal.
The Mercedes-Benz motto is 'Das Beste oder Nichts' meaning 'the best or nothing'.
The color blue has a calming effect. It causes the brain to release calming hormones.
There are more Rolls Royce cars in Hong Kong than anywhere else in the world
X-ray technology has shown there are 3 different versions of the Mona Lisa under the visible one
The pupil of the eye expands as much as 45 percent when a person looks at something pleasing.
It takes only about 8 minutes for the Space Shuttle to accelerate to a speed of more than 27,359 km/hour
Hydroponics is the technique by which plants are grown in water without soil
Time magazine named the computer its "Man of the Year" in 1982
Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from producing tears
Your left lung is smaller in size than your right lung, it is like that in order to make room for your heart.
Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time
Male human brains are about 10 percent heavier than female brains
Before 1800 there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet
The glossy look to lipstick comes from fish scales, which are iridescent
To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe
Honey is used as a center for golf balls and in antifreeze mixtures
The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'
Your body weight is lower at 9 A.M. than at any other time of the day
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals
Without any greenhouse effect, Earth would be cold and lifeless with an average temp of 0.4ºF
The primary purpose of growing rice in flooded paddies is to drown the weeds surrounding the young seedlings. Rice can, in fact, be grown in drained areas
Not a single new livestock animal has been domesticated in the last 4,000 years
Bone China is so called because powdered animal bone is mixed with the clay to give it translucency and whiteness
The original reason for tablecloths was as a towel to wipe one's fingers and hands on after eating
Mount Everest moves approximately 2.4 inches (10 cm) in a Northeasterly direction every year
Mickey Mouse has four fingers on each hand
The bark of a redwood tree is fireproof. Fires that occur in a redwood forest take place inside the trees
The storage capacity of human brain exceeds four Terra bytes
There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun
Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west
In 2001, the five most valuable brand names in order were Coca-Cola, Microsoft, IBM, GE, and Nokia
After the "Popeye" comic strip started in 1931, spinach consumption went up by 33 percent in the US
A rainbow can only occur when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon
At 40° Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing
Most gemstones contain several elements. Except the diamond it's all carbon
Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal
It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world
Feb 1865 and Feb 1999 are the only months in recorded history not to have a full moon
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles
The "crack" from a whip is actually the tip of the whip traveling faster than the speed of sound, emitting a small sonic boom
If the information contained in the DNA could be written down, it would fill a 1000 volume encyclopedia
It would take 13 years and eight months to stay one night in every room at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas
Brain damage occurs at an internal temperature of 105 degrees Fahrenheit
The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting
If you gave each human on earth an equal portion of dry land, (including the uninhabitable areas) everyone would get roughly 100sqft
Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon
There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee
Pearls melt in vinegar
There is about 200 times more gold in the worlds oceans, than has been mined in our entire history
Human hair and finger nails continue to grow after death
Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland
Eighteen per cent of all global carbon dioxide emissions are from cars
Onions get their distinctive smell by soaking up sulfur from the soil
Mango is the number one selling fruit in the World. India is the biggest producer of mangoes in the World
The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air
No nation has ever won the Miss Universe, Miss World, and Miss International Pageant in the same year?
About 85% of the plant life on earth is in the oceans
In most watch advertisements the time displayed on the watch is 10:10 because then the arms frame the brand of the watch and make it look like it's smiling
If a person counted at the rate of 100 numbers a minute and kept counting for 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week, it would take a little over 4 weeks to count to one million and just over 80 years to reach a billion
An average person perspires a gut-wrenching 278 gallons of sweat each year
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made out of wood
A banana is about 75% water. They grow on a rhizome, not a tree. You are more likely to be a target for mosquitoes if you consume bananas. TOPGeography:
Iceland is the world's oldest functioning democracy
Mongolia is the largest landlocked country
Because heat expands the metal, the Eiffel Tower always leans away from the Sun
There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower
In Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile, it has never rained
The only man-made structure visible from space is the Great Wall of China
Birth-control campaigns in Egypt in the late 1970s failed because village women ended up wearing the pills in lockets, as talismans
Niagara Falls has moved about ten miles upstream in the last 10,000 years. The falls are eroding at the rate of 5 feet per year
The Sahara desert is expanding half a mile south every year
The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
The Hudson River along the island of Manhattan flows in either direction depending on the tide.
There is now an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200 people
The Australian term for extras in cricket are 'sundries'
In early Rome, March 1 was New Year's Day. Later, the ancient Romans made January 1 the beginning of the year
Ancient Persians gave New Year's gifts of eggs, symbolizing productivity
Due to precipitation, for a few weeks K2 is bigger than Mt Everest
Vietnamese currency consists only of paper money; no coins
Canada declared national beauty contests canceled as of 1992, claiming they were degrading to women
There are more Rolls Royce cars in Hong Kong than anywhere else in the world
Until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world
It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979
Australia's national anthem is called Advance Australia Fair
The only nation whose name begins with an A, but doesn't end in an A is Afghanistan
The Atlantic Ocean gets wider by a little more than one inch every year
The world's only city whose name consists solely of vowels is Aiea, in Hawaii, USA.
Soldiers in the Netherlands are not required to salute officers
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" . In English this means 'The City of Angels'
The Netherlands has built 800 miles of massive dikes and sea walls to hold back the sea. If it wasn't for these walls, 40% of the country would be flooded.
Big Ben is actually the name of the largest bell inside the London clock tower, not of the clock itself.
In 1867 the United States paid Russia only $7.2 million (2 cents an acre) for Alaska
Every year in France there is a "Thieves Fair" where people are encouraged to try to steal things from the stalls
The world's longest street is in Canada. Toronto's Yonge Street runs 1,190 miles
In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become a year older on New Year's Day

Mallu jokes (not my compilation)

Q: Where did the Malayali study? A: In the ko-liage.
Q: Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? A: He is very bissi.
Q: Why did the Malayali buy a air-ticket? A: To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
Q: Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff? A: To yearn meney.
Q: What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? A: He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
Q: Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome? A: Because he wanted to hear pope music.
Q: How does a Malayali spell moon? A: MOON - Yem Yo yet another Yo and Yem
Q: What is Malayali management graduate called? A: Yem Bee Yae.
Q: What does a Malayali do when he goes to America? A: He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
Q: What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? A: An Oto
Q: And for cargo? A: Loree

LAUGH NICELY

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2 Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it’s already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the
9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10 Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I\'m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can\'t read very fast.

11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking atevening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look atyourpicture and the problem disappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What otherproblem Canthere be greater than this one?

14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It\'s very kind of you, darling, But I don\'t have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we aren\'t married yet.

15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he toldme to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy\'s lap.",1]
16 A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn\'t left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I\'d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

17 Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

18 A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

19 Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as amillionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

20 Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arrangedmarriage" It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoothimself".

21 What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies& divisionof friends.

22 Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are theworld\'s largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can\'t be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the",1]
23 Three patients in a mental institution prepare for anexamination givenby the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital.However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving boardoverlookingan empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms. Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You\'re a free man. Just tell me why didn\'t youjump?" askedthe doctor. To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can\'t swim!"

24 As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife\'s voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there\'s a car going the wrongway onRoute 280. Please be careful!" "It\'s not just one car," said Herman, "It\'s hundreds of them!"

25 Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

26 What\'s the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician

27 Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

28 How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher",1]
29 once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not onother so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and onthe otherhand it would be hot.

30 Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down fromAmritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached therein a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called uphismother to expect him in the evening. But he didn\'t reach in the eveningandnot the next day either. " When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught motherran andasked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya? (What Happened, My Son?)

31 The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey,and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain,) aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people arecrazy! Theyhave four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!

32 Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundredchickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for anotherhundred chickens . because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died \'But I think I know where I\'m going wrong,\' said Santa, \'I think I\'mplantingthem too deep.\'

33 2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari",1]
34 Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ? A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

35 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

36 .How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I\'ll drink poison n let lion eat me. O\' bolo ta ra ra.

37 A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married,Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

38 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ? Husband : Nothing. Wife : Nothing...?? U\'ve been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

39 Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???

40 Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

41 Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

42 Mayawati came to Lalu\'s House with a Goat.....",1]
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..?? Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!! 52

43 Wife : Do you want dinner? Husband : Sure, what are my choices? Wife : Yes and no. 44 Man : How old is your father? Boy : As old as me. Man : How can that be? Boy : He became a father only when I was born

45 Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field" Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field Teacher : How? Student : Ladies first.

46 Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi intwo daystime? Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will. Customer : I bet you, it won\'t. Post Master : Why not? Customer : It\'s addressed to Mumbai.

47 1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

48 Man before Marriage I like Airtel....”Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan” After Marriage He\'s Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network Follows."

49 Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour , Farmer : Yes, it\'s a Jersey. Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!! gaya... aur main...SWARGWASI...

50 They say that when a man holds a woman\'s hand before marriage,it is love; after marriage it is self-defense",1]
51 It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautifulthings as women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

52 It takes thousand workers to build a castle , Million soldiers to protect a country BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME! Let\'s Thank ......KAAMWALI

53 After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Chcked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch & finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI

54 What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! 55 Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja. Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya? Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

56 It\'s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It\'s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

57 A person who surrenders when he\'s WRONG, is HONEST. A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE.. A person who surrenders even if he\'s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.! 58 Mayawati came to Lallu\'s house with a goat. Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho? Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai? Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.

59 Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomb lay kar jarahay thay, Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay, Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na phatjain, Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb hay.

60 aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay.rastay main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh apny dost say kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho ker yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy

61 Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, \'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?\' \'Haan\' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, \'Ek hara vala dena!\'

62 A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main BolRaha Hoon". The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

63 Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty mein ek Aurat se takra betha. Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? " Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."

64 Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki jarahi he osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!

65 Aadmi:Aray..! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.

66 Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aapbohat ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.

67 Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.

68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par ja rahi thi achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno ! kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?",

68 Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par ja rahi thi achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno ! kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
larki ne aahista se kaha.......... "to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "

69 Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aayahai, ek bhi tili nahin jalti. Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

70 Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai? Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

71 Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.." Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

72 Hum Ney Un Ki Yaad Main Ro Ro Kar Matkey Bhar Diye Wo Bewafa Aye Aur Naha Kar Chal Diye

73 Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam , Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam

74 Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai , Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho 75 rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum

76 kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par, dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha, uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya, kambakht mien apna hi khoon thA

77 hi u all i hv one puppy 4 u 1puppy 4 ur friend 1 puppy for ur fri ke fri u know why??? becuz............ ajj hi meray dogi nay 10 puppies ko janam dia hai",1]
78 Civic VTI jisai kehete ho wo gadi tumaree hai Jisey nokia 6600 kehte ho wo cell tumhara hai Jinhai tum aamon k baghat kehte ho woh baghain tumharee hain Kaho ik di kaho ik din Ager sab kuch ye mera hai to sab kuch dedo ik din Gari apni mujhe tum dedo cell dedo doosrey din merey hathon mai kaghzat rakh ker dafa ho ik din Dafa ho ik din dafa ho ik din... 79 dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh, uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh......:)

80 teen dost tha phalla patan dosra panjabe or tisra memon.Ramzan ka maina tha dostoo na bolaa ka yar zakat dana ha too app log kasa datta ho.too phala dost patan na bolla ka hum khali maidan ma za kar gol paira banatha ha or asman ma paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa paira ka bhair zata ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo andar hotta ha woo humara hotta ha .fer pajabe na bolla ka hum ak lakir kachtta ha or paisa ushal tha ha zoo paisa left hand par zatta ha woo zakat kartta ha or zoo right hand par woo humara.fer memon dost sa pucha ka woo kasa kartta ha too usna kaha ka astag feroollha app log assa zakat kartta ho yea lakir fakir keya ha hum khali maidan ma zatta ha or asman ma husal tha ha zoo paisa asman ma gheya woo zakat ka or zoo paisa necha aaya woo humara.

81 Admi Naai Se Meri TERE NAAM Wali Cutting Kar Do. Naai Uski Tind Kar Deta Hai Admi Ghussay Se Ye Kya Kiya Hai ??? Naai Main Kya Karoon Main Ne Dekhi Hi End Se Hai. 82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock",1]
82 Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I\'ll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I\'ll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I\'ll go get a ladder."

83 A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you\'re doing?" "I\'m a chiropractor, and I\'m just keeping in practice while I\'m waiting in line." "Well, I\'m a lawyer, but you don\'t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

84 Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren\'t met.

85 Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai or tum ghayal kar jati ho

86 janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawalhai. dukan daar: je hai janab patan:eak kulo dado dukan daar: je janab janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.",1]
87 Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabupanay main 10 minut lagay.....aor.......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay main 40 minut lagay

88 Aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par phool daal raha hota he Aur brabar men bhi aik aadmi apne dost ki qabar par chawal daal raha hota he. Pehla Aadmi doosre se kehta he " Ye tumhara dost phool sunghne kab uthe ga?" Doosra dost:"Jab tumhara dost chawal khane uthe ga

89 uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar mujhe pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!

90 aik dost dosray se : yaar har party mien tum yehi kurta kyunpehantay ho dosra dost : kyun ke yeh mera khandani kurta hai mere par dada ne pehna phir dada ne pehna phir mere walid ne pehna iss liye main bhi pehanta hoon pehla dost : ohh acha .. khier yeh batao k tumhari umar hogai hai shadi ki tum kartay kyun nahi ..kya koi larki pasand nahi ati dosra dost : nahi yaar larkiyaan to bohat pasand ati hain pehla dost : to phir kyun nahi kartay dosra dost : yaar mere par dada ne nahi ki dada ne nahi ki mere walid ne nahi ki to phir main kaise karloon ??

91 Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with two men ahead of him. \'Ek Punjab Mail dena.\' demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket. \'Ek Punjab Mail dena.\'",1]
92 The Equation: 7 Glance = 1 Smile 7 Smile = 1 Meeting 7 Meeting = 1 Kiss 7 Kisses = 1 Proposal 7 Proposal = 1 Marriage - And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems. So beware of glance!

93 Plan For Future: Teacher asks children, what do u wish 2 do in future? Ram: I want 2 b a pilot. Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor. Deepa: I want 2 b a good mother. Ravi: I want 2 help Deepa.

94 Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS; 1,Too Many Questions. 2,Difficult to Understand. 3,More Explanation is Needed. 4,Result is always FAIL!

95 A man is dying of Cancer. His son asked him, "Dad, why do u keep telling people u're dying of AIDS?" Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch ur mom

96 Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

97 Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? Pupil : The moon. Teacher : Why? Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sungives us light only in the day time when we dont need it.
98 Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking whenpeople areno longer interested? Pupil : A teacher.

99 Waiter : Would you like your coffee black? Customer : What other colours do you have? 100 My father is so old that when he was in school, history was calledcurrent affairs.

101 Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot. Sam : It\'s a family tradition. Teacher : What do you mean? Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher. Teacher : What about your mother? Sam : She\'s a woman.

102 Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I\'ve failed? David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year\'s performancerepeated.

103 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey andstopped him,what virtue would I be showing? Student : Brotherly love.

104 Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers beforeeating? Sam : No sir, I don\'t have to, my mom is a good cook.

105 Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor? Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out often peopledie of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I\'ve treated.The others all died.

106 Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible." One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all thetoothpaste and putit back into the tube again.

107 Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"",1]
108 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ? Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

109 A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managedto call one in particular She replied: That\'s easy. I call them by their surname !

110 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha kiachanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola: Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)

111 Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside andcloses it. Wife observes the whole episode Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doingthis? Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly

112 What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahiG-gadha H-hai.

113 Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga-mita dunga. Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga.

114 Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 lettersin it? Banta singh: Post office.

115 Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi marsakta thakya? Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."

116 Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar baridhar-udharchalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge....think.............",1]
117 Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho? Friend: B.A. Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

118 A friend asks sardar how was ur exam? Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought,thought &finally i wrote \'THUNK\'.

119 Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirfawaazsunaideti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta. Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

120 Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad seulta latak ke gaane laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bolaoye sideB gaa raha hun.

121 Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get engaged, will ugive me aring?" "Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"

122 Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with marriedwomen.

123 One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenthfloor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santasingh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" ....... since Sardarjiwas inpanic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window whilecomming downwhen he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn\'t have a daughter named Preeto. when he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.

124 *** Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.",1]
125 a sardar was going on the road.Then he sees a man who has metwith an accident.so he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the hospital.Then the sardar realises that the man should have brought by ambulance.so he takes him back where he picked him sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncher.he took speartyre and changed in the place of punchered tyre. but unfortunately hemisplaced the four screws to fit the tyre on its place . he was so confused ,,now what to do,, a pagal(mentally retaired) person was watching thisincident. He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre.There after u can go where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume pagal kahate hai lakin i dont think u are a pagal. pagal replied sir,,i m a pagal but i m not a sardar.

126 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire; But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why? Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters

127 TEACHER: Why are you late? L-JOHNY: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

128 TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!",1]
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ...and at last wrote - THUNK !!!" !
129 TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"? L-JOHNY: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that\'s wrong L-JOHNY: Maybe it\'s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

130 TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it\'s H to O! TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!

131 TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America? JOHNY: George!

132 TEACHER: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn\'t have ten years ago. L-JOHNY: Me!

133 TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty? L-JOHNY: Well, I\'m a lot closer to the ground then you are.

134 L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me To write? L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

135 TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? L-JOHNY: Don\'t bite any.

136 TEACHER: Johny, give me a sentence starting with "I". L-JOHNY: I is... TEACHER: No, Johny. Always say, "I am." L-JOHNY: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." 137 Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"",1]
138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boyjumps inside and swims underneath them and counts the number of legs. There are only 36 legs.HOW?? Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? L-Johnny : Well, where did you ge

t THIS mummy then?

140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! L-Johnny: Yes it\'s really strange. I\'ve got another pair of the same at home. 141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? L-Johnny : No sir, I don\'t have to, my mom is a good cook.

142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly thesame as your brother\'s. Did u copy his? L-Johnny: No, teacher, it\'s the same dog!Thanking You,Yours Affectionately in the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus and the ImmaculateHeart of Mary,M.A.Leo Anand S.J.,De Nobili College,P.B.3007,Nagar Road,Ramwadi,Pune,Maharastra.411014India(Kindly note: When u send a reply to this ID (this is the Community IDcommon to all the Philosophy scholastics)indicate in the subject column ofu r mail as Leo; Only then u r mail will be forwarded to my Inbox)Contact number:020-27034737020-27034738020-27034401Entn No:356(Call timings preferably after 9.30 pm.I\'ll be in my room after 9.30pm.)Personal ID: anand.leo@rediffmail.com",0]

L-Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

138 Question: There are 10 elephants swimming in a pond. A boyjumps inside and swims underneath them and counts the number of legs. There are only 36 legs.HOW?? Answer: One elephant was swimming BACKSTROKE!!

139 L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

140 Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

141 Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? L-Johnny : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

142 Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly thesame as your brother's. Did u copy his? L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

143. Teacher , what is future tense of marriage?
Sardar- “divorse”